screw this. im moving to tumblr

my IC makes me laugh and cry at the same time

"You need to get some sunlight, you vampire!"

Love is when he's all considerate and not let you rot in a hole, take you out jalan-jalan, solve your 'party' woes and treat you ice cream all at the same time, but when you turn around misty eyed, about to profess your innermost mushy feelings of gratitude and love, you found him doing buck tooth and bunny sniffs, mocking your ID card snapshot.


Tch. I'm spending the rest of my life dealing with your crap. -.-

how I want

knock on the head

I want to remember this day, this moment, this very second.
The moment that I'm giving myself a mental kick in the behind for postponing my 'Do.
Yeah i know I don't talk about it much.

Life has many challenges and diversion has many faces.
I for one have been a sucker.

So just for kicks I'm posting this link:
http://cursingmalay.blogspot.com/2009/12/panduan-dan-langkah-langkah-awal-untuk.html

The next time I'm prepping myself, I'm going for the kill

past and present

On an entirely unrelated note, here is a song that I used to listen to and liked (still do) a lot.
I am the type who plays a song over and over and over again for the longest period of time until it becomes stale and I forget it for a bit, only to pick it back up again once in a while after.

Dido - White Flag (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: Dido

I woke up from my solid late afternoon 'nap' drenched in a pool of sweat feeling not an ounce rested.
I felt the same fear swirling within me.

I drove a total of 4 hours to and fro just 2 days ago
to combat this same feeling I felt
to get reassurance of my hopes and fears.

Only, I did not express myself well and came across as a whiny bitch yet again.
I forgot to put forth a promise, some motivation and a whole lot of comfort.
Those fuzzy stuff a human heart thrives on in order to ooze the same amount of LOVE.

So now..I am left with none.
And I woke up feeling not an ounce rested.

berlari

ya aku masih mahu.

mahu berusaha mendapatkan apa yang hatiku rasa perlu

perlu agar dapat bernafas

perlu agar lebih bersemangat hari-hariku

perlu agar aku tahu aku milikmu

dan kau, pelindungku.

So I am back in Batu Pahat armed with a bag o' beef, 2 bags of Kurau fish steaks (also known as Threadfin Salmon or May Yau Yee) and an assortment of veges, herbs and spices, all thanks to mommie. So now I'm currently wondering when on earth am I going to finish all of that this Ramadan? I cook for one and I get bored with the same reheated dish. Sometimes my housemates join in but they always prepare their own meal.

I know! I'll save the meat for later. I think the fish needs my urgent attention.

I'm thinking: I am going to tackle this as strategically as I can so that I'll be able to empty out my freezer efficiently before the fish turn to nothing but blocks of frozen, dried out slabs. The key I guess is to cook in small amount, rotating between meat and fish, varying the menu every time (ape aku dh takde keje lain agaknye nk masak byk2 kali?) This is me talking ambitiously ok?

By the end of this culinary-venture I might graduate to be a full-time house-wife with a TESOL degree framed nicely by the dining area.

Wish me luck!

Option 1: Simple stir-fry (bujang style)

This is the most plausible for my busy tuition night such as Mondays. I get this awesome recipe off www.mysimplefood.com

Ingredients:

• 5 tbsp oil for frying 
• 1 sliced kurau fish (around 300gm), lightly seasoned with salt 
• Sliced ginger 
• Chopped garlic 
• Dip for fish- chopped raw garlic, red chillis, and soy or fish sauce.

Steps:

Fry-em and eat -em. Owh, not forgetting to saute the garlic and ginger until golden and put on top of the fish steaks. Now, continue eating em.

Option 2: Kurau Tandoori

Err, not too sure of this coz of some of the ingredients. I might end up with stuff I wont need after cooking this one. Nevertheless it is an adventure! I found this on www.resepi4u.com. So now i only have to remember to swing by the local grocers after work fr some natural yogurt. I wonder if they sell in small measurement...

Ingredients:

• 3 slabs of Kurau
• 1 lime
• 1 tbs of ginger (finely chopped)
• 2 cloves of garlic (chopped)
• 5 tbs of yogurt
• 1 tsp of chili powder
• 10 gm (im guessing 1 tsp?) of coriander seeds
• 10gm of cumin
• some Coriander leaves / Cilantro (chopped)
• salt and pepper to taste
• ghee (which im either gonna skip or substitute with um, butter)

Steps:

Prep the cleaned fish with EVERYTHING (save the ghee) for about 3 hours. Lather it up with ghee before roasting for about 15 mins. (meh, im just gonna throw it in the non-stick).

Option 3: Fish curry

This is the first thing that crosses my mind. No Googling necessary. Cewah!

Ingredients: (eye it and wing it)

• those yum fish
• a small packet of fish curry powder (Alagappa's or Adabi are okay)
• a pinch of turmeric powder for enhanced colour
• a pinch of chili powder (or skip if you're a spice-wimp)
• Onion (I pound this in my mortar & pestle coz i don't own a blender . You lazy bums can leave it sliced)
• Garlic (less amount than the onion, blended together)
• half an inch of ginger (smooshed)
• tamarind juice (either use Adabi instant paste or mix some yourself out of the 'with-seeds' version common at any Malaysian grocers)
• coconut milk (fr a single dish, about 1 half or 2 cups)
• quartered tomatoes (I like to dice some and throw it in after sauté-ing) for that Kari Penang touch
• greens (Okras/ peas)
• green chilies (them big ones) for deco

Steps:

Some recipes say just put in all the spices (item 2: curry powder allllll the way til coconut milk) in a pot and bring to boil.

Instead I often make a paste out of the curry powder, tamarind juice, chili powder, onion, garlic and ginger and sauté first til it smells yum.

Add diced tomatoes to pulp. Add in coconut milk, bring to boil stirring often on medium heat. Fish goes in next while veges go last. Salt to taste. Voila.

Option 4: Masak Asam Pedas (Sour and spicy)

Out of all my foodie adventures I have never ever neheheever tried making this ooh-la-la dish often famous as a local specialty in Malacca or Johor. I always leave it to the experts as the belacan (shrimp paste) kick can be deadly. Scrumptiously deadly i mean.

Ingredients:

• Fish
• Daun kesum / Vietnamese mint / knotweed
• 2 lemongrass (err, knock em lightly in your mortar pestle or using the butt of your knife:Rambo style)
• tamarind juice
• water
• grind up some onions, big red chilies and the infamous belacan (shrimp paste) preferably roasted beforehand.

Steps:

Apparently just put in the ground up paste, water and tamarind in a pot. Bring to boil, add in the leaves and fish and you are good to go.

Option 5: Sweet and Sour Fish

I just made this in the weekend and personally I think making Sweet n Sour fish out of other types of fish except Kerapu/Grouper is just not.nice. So I'm not even gonna go there.

Option 6: The Bazaar

Get your keys...

raw and ready to rummmble

A void

I have been waiting, nervously for the inevitable. Lest I've mistaken, I think it is coming. Looming, approaching, waiting to jump as I turn a corner. The signs are there, all over actions and words. Or rather, the lack of it.

End this misery. Don't push too far. When it happens, be kind.

Lives used to orbit around one and other. Yet now they rush through void. Being sucked and swallowed into the Hole.

Depression, you are doing it again. This time, just go the whole yard, and let it loose.

cdt: http://jcconwell.wordpress.com/2008/12/

both erred

maybe You just want more than what fate has to offer.

if that's the case, why bother?

pose yer. jgn tak pose

JADUAL PUASA SUNAT 2010: just a reminder from time to time

Acknowledgement: thank you K. NurDia from

http://www.ekawan.com/index.php?m=blog2&c=post&id=223544&title=JADUAL-PUASA-SUNAT-2010&usrname=nurdia

1. Puasa sunat tiap hari Isnin dan Khamis

2. Puasa Tiga Hari Setiap Bulan (Tanggal 13,14,15 di kalender Islam)
- 30, 31 Disember 2009, 1 Januari 2010/Muharram 1431 H
- 28, 29, 30 Januari 2010/Shafar 1431 H
- 27,28 Februari, 1 Mac 2010/Rabi’ul Awwal 1431 H
- 29, 30, 31 Mac 2010/Rabi’ul Akhir 1431 H
- 27, 28, 29 April 2010/Jumadil Awwal 1431 H
- 27, 28, 29 Mei 2010/Jumadil Akhir 1431 H
- 25, 26, 27 Jun 2010/Rajab 1431 H
- 25, 26, 27 Julai 2010/Sya’ban 1431 H
- Puasa (wajib) Ramadhan 1431 H - 11 Ogos - 9 September 2010 ***t275: dengan demikian, tidak ada puasa sunnah 3 hari di bulan Ramadhan..** *
- 22, 23, 24 September 2010/Syawwal 1431 H
- 21, 22, 23 Oktober 2010/Dzulqa’idah 1431 H
- 19, 20, 21 November 2010/Dzulhijjah 1431 H. ***tgl 19 November = hari terakhir Tasyriq, tidak boleh berpuasa***

3. Puasa Sepertiga Bulan - Yakni di bulan Dzulhijjah (antara 7 November - 6 Disember 2010).
Puasa tanggal 9 Dzulhijjah (Arafah) bagi selain orang yang melaksanakan haji. Tanggal 15 November 2010.
Puasa dilakuan 7 November - 15 November 2010, terputus dengan idul Adha dan hari Tasyrik,dilanjutkan lagi tgl 20 & 21 November 2010.

Tidak boleh berpuasa :
Hari Idul Adha - 10 Dzulhijjah / 16 November 2010.
Hari tasyriq 11,12,13 Dzulhijjah / 17, 18, 19 November 2010.

4. Puasa Bulan Muharram - ‘Asyura' selama 3 hari - 9, 10, 11 Muharram
Sangat dianjurkan tanggal 9 dan 10 (Tasu’a dan ‘Asyura) 26, 27, 28 Disember 2010.

5. Puasa pada sebagian bulan Sya’ban
Antara 13 Julai - 10 Ogos 2010.

6. Puasa pada bulan Syawal - 6 hari
Tidak diperkenankan puasa pada 1 Syawal (10 September 2010)
Antara 11 September - 8 Oktober 2010.

7. Puasa Daud - berpuasa selang seling
Berpuasa satu hari lalu berbuka satu hari. *kecuali hari2 yang dilarang berpuasa*

taken from http://www.ekawan.com/index.php?m=blog2&c=post&id=223544&title=JADUAL-PUASA-SUNAT-2010&usrname=nurdia

my own

Gained from conversations in, around and about my new read:

equivocal (adj): may have two or more interpretations. can be misleading

anthropomorphic (adj): nonhuman things described as having human characteristics. eg - Mickey Mouse

hot fuzz

I've got it again

that warm fuzzy feeling.

ngee*

Only you know what it is.

coz it has happened once before in Feb.

Glad i got it back..

Happy holidays.

everybody else but me

Maybe, just maybe, I can make it.

I'm currently involved in a project everybody else deemed to be a failure.

I was hyper-excited about it even before i sniffed it coming my way (yes, even before that London-Paris trip). ..that is until yesterday when I went to a meeting that explains what the project entails.

I badly want it to work out but why is everybody being a drenched blanket?

They said it frustrates them.

They said its not gonna work well.

They said whatever you do you are going to end up miserable.

So here i am being excited about something everybody else hates.

Here's the catch:

Everybody else has been in the project for 3 years.

So, technically, they know what they're talking about, right?

I suppose they are right about how the project is going to turn out for me, right?

So why am i still an annoying bouncy bunny?

..Imma make it work!!

footnote: Thank you baby, for believing in me.

sniffing it out

http://www.gourmetgirlmagazine.com

Thanks to Asian Food Channel I am currently googling up truffles wondering how it smells and taste like. mmm

I have a penchant for trying out new food. Apparently truffle is pungent, has an intense taste, is rare and costs a bomb! All that really intrigues my palate.

Truffle is originally sniffed out by female pigs because the smell resembles the sexy smell of a boar. Hahah. imagine the girl getting all excited and in heat seeking out the underground tuber, thinking she's getting 'lucky'.. only to find an expensive culinary delight instead. She wouldn't know the difference though. The trouble with these sows is they can't help but gobble up the truffles they find (prolly deep in sexual fantasy while at it too). Sexy little biatch.

Trends achanging so sows are replaced with truffle-sniffing dogs instead. These canines have better self-control and can be trained to exchange the truffles they find with bread or other cheapo treats - while the trainer gets away with selling the fungi at a hefty price!

There are white or black varieties to these underground goodies. Apparently the taste and smell are more intense if harvested in the winter.

http://lizzieeatslondon.blogspot.com/2009/12/rest.html
Truffles are rarely cooked.
AFC showed that they are shaved thinly over a plate of hot, cheesy pasta. mmmmm. I love mushrooms...especially in pasta. I guess I can only imagine what its like. I might hate the pungent aroma and the taste is prolly horrible on my tongue but until I sample it for myself, I'm happy to imagine it's gonna be heaven...

ele-friend

In my quest to conduct lessons regarding animal cruelty, I found out that many 16 year-olds couldn't care less.

unrelated pic: animalsneedhelp.com

worrywort

ive got a lot of fears

insecurities

so how do i pacify myself?

i have a lot of questions

but i may not know how to ask

correctly

im sick of how

people think its ok

if you just smile and say flowery things

as if its all ok

to sweep everything

under the carpet

to abuse the word

LOVE

but not really showing it

i may not know a lot

secrets of the world

way of the norm

but i do know

when i stop asking altogether

thats when we all

should start to worry.

F is for Fun

Notice how in school things seem to become bleaker as you grow older. From easy-peasy UPSR you aim for PMR. Not long after you feel triumphant of the good results you get from shading the correct answer on the Objective answer sheets, teachers and parents began harping on the importance of doing well in SPM.

Notice how the hill gets steeper from there.

Questions are harder, tasks more difficult.

No more Big Books, not so much of drawing (except in PSV-Visual Art) or singing or play time. Story Telling is influenced by horror stories of career options went wrong.

Notice how fun is sucked out of these kids alive.

So, note-to-self:

Next time, at the beginning of the year, start with something enjoyable but stress on SOME tips to do well in the tasks. For example, instead of starting their Composition book with drab-y essays like Letters of Complaint, or describing a National Day celebration or heavy argumentative essays on topics they rather not deal with, get them to discuss matters from their own point of view or from their everyday life. Get them to tell you details about themselves (yes, we all like to yak about ourselves, what makes you think kids are any different?). Get them to write in an enjoyable way. Give them a lot of materials to read, pictures to ogle at, world-ly ideas to gape about.

I mean this is JUST FOR STARTERS. As the school term progresses, go back to the prescribed syllabus, making sure their needs for the exam is met. Because by the end of the Malaysian schooling day, their achievement in exam is what THEY are worried about. So help them see to it.

Every now and then, go back to some fun. Give them a chance to get heated in silly yet provoking topics. My boys love that. Especially if I give topics like "Girls are better than boys".

Makes little sense on the surface I know, but if helped through it they will come to the conclusion such as this: "Teacher, we are created equal, this is not even an argument!" or, of course, something similar expressed within their vocabulary level.

Here are some ESL ideas I would like to remind myself:

Instead of:

'Write about the dangers of smoking'

Do:

'Imagine you are a sufferer of a fugly mouth and throat cancer/gangrene/emphesyma, write a letter to your brother/mother/Persian cat while on your deathbed.'

or, if your students are good, (like mine) give them

'This house will ban cigarette smoking in public places because cancer is not for sharing'

Instead of:

'Read the long-winded, confusing text filled with words you have never seen before and would probably never-ever use in your entire life, and answer the 10 thousand comprehension questions that follow'

Do:

'Label the human anatomy below with examples of how tobacco smoking can affect the organs. Then, answer the questions that follow'

Instead of:

'Write an impossible speech about the importance of dam / Write why you oppose to dams'

Do:

'You are the leader of the Kenyah tribe in Sarawak. Write a speech about how the Bakun Dam has brought misery to your people'

or

'As the representative to the tiger/orang utan/phyton colony who live along Balui River, write a journal about your plight for being removed from the forest.

*if your kids are anything like mine, they'd be all smart-ass and said "Tok Batin cannot speak English la teacher!"

Fortunately, the secondary school English language syllabus is topical. So we can work on the themes suggested (im gonna heavily emphasize on the word 'suggested' here). Emphasis must be given to reading texts. So that they get ideas to talk/write about. I vow not to restrict myself to boring articles like the ones in the text books only. I shall get info from Wiki (sometimes i require them to wiki it themselves prior to the class), use videos from Youtube and show loads of pictures relevant to the topics.

Word of caution: Sometimes however, things don't really go as I plan. The above are just some of the successful ideas. It may or may not suit your students' level of proficiency.

A lot of my days are just trial and error. By the end of the day i like to believe that what matters is that i HAVE tried. Good luck future me!

LO_ER

Found written on a piece of scrap paper lying at the bottom of the stairs at school:

"Im loser you know"

Running through my mind instantly:

"You sure are. You cant even write a dejected note-to-self right. You missed the article 'a'."

Guess if I was a counselor I should probably seal all windows to my office tight for fear of clients jumping to their demise.

humble pie

Complaints by my colleagues about some of the students I'm rather close to have dimmed my opinion of them causing me to cast disapproving looks towards their way.

But i wonder if we adults are just too quick to judge

One of my senior panel member who is teaching the class i was in charge of last yr said the kids are "devilishly rowdy, rude, ignorant and downright disgusting". She is having trouble getting these kids listen to her, much less cooperate and do her work.

In 2009, these very same kids inspired ME. I enjoyed teaching them so much it came to a point where i decided then and there that kids like them are MY reason to stay and educate. One day after a good round of class discussion, i stopped to tell them how proud i am of them, how i sometimes think of them during school break and how i finally learn to LOVE teaching, because of them.

They clapped and hooted and i think i saw hints of blush on their cheeks. I know they love me and they know i care about them.

This year i reluctantly hand them over to a senior staff much to their dismay. They still come by asking me to take them back. Sorry, but its their final year and they are probably better off with a much experienced teacher. Or so we thought..

Personally, i think the kids could have showed more respect. But then again it speaks volume when one teacher finds them inspiring while another has hit her limit and well, kinda hate their guts. Maybe if we are to approach them in a different way it might result significantly different?

Another case was between a senior male teacher and one of the students from the class I'm in charge of this year. The kid was late to the lab so the teacher wanted to punish him as well as several others who took approx. 30mins to go down 1 flight of stairs fr Physics. Everybody else was caned but this particular kid threatened the teacher. Apparently the word 'sue' was used but I never know fr sure coz the kid denied it upon investigation.

The senior teacher was VERY upset when he told me of the account. This kid seems to think he's some kind of a big-shot because of his family background - said the teacher.

I was disappointed in this kid so I approached him during class a day after. I contained my anger and showed him empathy instead. I made sure he noted my disdain. But I also make him tell me everything from his point of view before i guided him to see it through the teacher's eyes. Obviously the kid got defensive but left home that day with a lot that I gave him to think about over the weekend.

Come Monday morning he slinked to my desk looking dejected: "Miss, i think of what you said over what happened with Mr X. I cant study all weekend!"

Indeed the boy seems miserable but intent on making amends with the other teacher. I told him I'm proud of his realization and nudged him in the right direction. He left not without asking first how to go about "apologizing" - something he said he has never done in his entire life until today.

I thought i was to choke in tears. His actions today warmed my heart.

These two incidents made me wonder what else that happened between us and the kids that has skipped "second chances". I wonder what else are we wrong about them? What other incident has caused them to react in a way that they themselves are not proud of but has little control of their own feelings? How many other times have we failed to really stop and listen to them, guide them and EDUCATE?

worthy of being loved

what do you do to make yourself worthy?

I always believe that

if you have very little self-respect, how do you expect others to respect you?

If you feel that you are not good enough in something, well, then yeah, you ARE not good enough.

If you feel unhappy of your own achievements, then, they really are not enough for others to admire.

Point is then, u must work to improve yourself.

If you want progress, for heaven's sake, find opportunities.

You want improvements, fix what is not working.

If you want to find that special someone to love, make yourself available, minus the negative vibes. or bad odour. or that high wall you fenced yourself in. or that annoying mopey face.

Or rather, find the heart in you and love being in your own skin.

Because you cant fix or set up everything around you.

Because some things just wont go the way you want them to be.

time tattle tale

and she deliberate

to authenticate

when in truth she just

procrastinate

not a talent

well justified

unless displayed?

-how very shallow.

she hesitate

cos she wants to captivate

true beauty

the best she can create

so she deliberate

until everything lost

time due eliminate