Not yet

Husband reassured that he'll be there for me when the time comes.
He promised not to vomit or pass out.
He'd even video tape the whole thing.
And will spend countless hours waiting patiently armed with his netbook. 
('will' =  a modal verb to indicate a certain future. Keyword : CERTAIN)


Promises ey?


I refuse to watch that famous video everyone was talking about.
He however, got excited by it.


Then, I read this blog post:
http://aididmuaddib.blogspot.com/2011/04/lightning-crashes.html


I so horribly missed the message conveyed. I focussed on the blow-by-blow description instead.
Damn. I'm spooked.


In case you are wondering, no, we're not preggers yet. But at least 3 to 4 people have already almost-congratulated us, including one doctor. I wonder what it was that they see in our faces to assume so.
...
If only they know how deep the water runs beneath..

I thought using a non-human photo reduces the 'ngilu' feeling a bit. No?

how I want

knock on the head

I want to remember this day, this moment, this very second.
The moment that I'm giving myself a mental kick in the behind for postponing my 'Do.
Yeah i know I don't talk about it much.

Life has many challenges and diversion has many faces.
I for one have been a sucker.

So just for kicks I'm posting this link:
http://cursingmalay.blogspot.com/2009/12/panduan-dan-langkah-langkah-awal-untuk.html

The next time I'm prepping myself, I'm going for the kill

I woke up from my solid late afternoon 'nap' drenched in a pool of sweat feeling not an ounce rested.
I felt the same fear swirling within me.

I drove a total of 4 hours to and fro just 2 days ago
to combat this same feeling I felt
to get reassurance of my hopes and fears.

Only, I did not express myself well and came across as a whiny bitch yet again.
I forgot to put forth a promise, some motivation and a whole lot of comfort.
Those fuzzy stuff a human heart thrives on in order to ooze the same amount of LOVE.

So now..I am left with none.
And I woke up feeling not an ounce rested.

both erred

maybe You just want more than what fate has to offer.

if that's the case, why bother?

worthy of being loved

what do you do to make yourself worthy?

I always believe that

if you have very little self-respect, how do you expect others to respect you?

If you feel that you are not good enough in something, well, then yeah, you ARE not good enough.

If you feel unhappy of your own achievements, then, they really are not enough for others to admire.

Point is then, u must work to improve yourself.

If you want progress, for heaven's sake, find opportunities.

You want improvements, fix what is not working.

If you want to find that special someone to love, make yourself available, minus the negative vibes. or bad odour. or that high wall you fenced yourself in. or that annoying mopey face.

Or rather, find the heart in you and love being in your own skin.

Because you cant fix or set up everything around you.

Because some things just wont go the way you want them to be.